Collateral Beauty!

Someday I won’t be able to make my last blog entry of 2016, today is NOT that day!

I am a creature of habit and have a hard time adjusting to change, but I’m also easily excited by new experiences.  When I come upon something that fascinates me I tend to get temporarily obsessed and attack it with great zest and heart!  The intensity of my feelings start to wane however once I accomplish my goal or things get too monotonous for me.  Hence I wondered if my mission of living for today and blogging about it might become a dreaded chore before years end.  Happily that wasn’t the case and this journey has and continues to refuel me and fill my heart with joy.  While I can’t say that living mindfully kept me depression free this past year, I can say that it greatly enhanced my life and is something that I intend to continue for the rest of my days.  Depression is a ruthless disease that has robbed me of an unthinkable number of precious days and I wouldn’t wish it’s unmerciful ways on my worst enemy.  Thankfully this journey has brought with it an understanding that, “you can’t see the stars without the darkness”.  I can waste my time wishing my hardships away or I can choose to accept the things that I cannot change and appreciate the collateral beauty that has come from them… and beauty in abundance is what I see as I look back at 2016 in review.

Today I am exceedingly grateful for my family and friends and this beautiful life that I am blessed to be able to share with them!

Today is a blessing!

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The Epiphany

I am a 48 year old wife and mother of four; Brady 20, Riley 17, Annie 14 and Josie 12.  I am also a professional photographer.  Around the age of 45 I started to notice some changes; for instance I began to gain weight more easily, I got a couple gray hairs and my body didn’t feel as “elastic” as it used to.  About a year ago I came upon a bumper sticker that read, “Someday I won’t be able to do this, today is not that day”.  The timing was perfect and it hit me in a very profound way.  So my mission in 2016 is to realize, appreciate and enjoy all of the things that I can do now.  Some things I will physically just not be able to do someday, others I hope to always be able to do but know that I won’t be able to do them as well or as fast.  And well the fact is that someday everything that I do here on earth will come to an end.  So there will be days that I will be acknowledging even the smallest and most mundane of blessings and trying to see them in a fresh new light.  The majority of my life I have suffered from major clinical depression, so I decided to document my journey in an effort to provide hope for myself on the days that I am lacking.  My son Brady suggested that I blog about it.  So what the heck- here I am blogging!  I have to be honest, it is uncomfortable for me to focus this much on myself.  As a mother of four, my soul focus has been my kids and other people for the last 20 years.  We’ve had an unusually rough last few years though and with 4 kids all in some stage of puberty right now I have been feeling extremely depleted.  So here’s to a new year and putting the effort into getting myself refueled so that I may continue to serve my family and all those around me!❤

 

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